Whenever the topic of forgiveness is brought up, it tends to be met with resistance among Christians. Except, of course, if we are talking about receiving it. Now the blood of Christ is enough to cover all of our sin and it is always available, but it doesn’t stop with us. It extends past us to our brother or sister who offended us. Many times, for Christians, God uses us to show His mercy and grace to the people around us. For those of my readers who are Christians desiring to be used by God, I challenge you to desire to be used also in this way. It is a poor representation of Christ to ask for mercy for ourselves and judgement for our brother.

What instruction does Christ have for us regarding forgiveness?

Let’s start with one of the most well known verses.

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

Matthew 18:21-22

If we take this scripture literally, Christ is commanding us to forgive someone who sins against us 490 times in a row. But this is not the only instruction on forgiveness. In this next passage, Jesus raises the bar even further:

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

Mark 11:25

Read that one again. Could it be that the forgiveness you receive is dependent on the forgiveness you are willing to give? That is what Jesus seems to be saying.

Now let’s look at the Lord’s Prayer.

“And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.”

Matthew 6:12

Here again, Jesus makes a connection between us extending forgiveness to others and receiving it for ourselves. If you pay attention to what Jesus is saying in the prayer, He is actually asking the Father to forgive Him according to how He has forgiven. This is the expectation Jesus has set for us. And two verses down, we see that is exactly what Jesus was getting at as He reiterates it and makes it unmistakably clear.

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:14-15

As you can see a very high bar has been set. We are not permitted to hold anything against anyone, ever. No reason is good enough and no situation will disqualify God’s expectation toward us regarding how we forgive. Even if the same person does the same thing to us multiple times in a row, God still requires us to extend the same mercy and grace to them on the 100th time as we did on the first.

Why is it that God has such a high standard?

The answer to this question is also clearly laid out in scripture:

“…Freely you have received, freely give.”

Matthew 10:8

We have freely received of God’s mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Not only did we receive this at the moment of salvation, but we continue to, every day. Every mistake we make, every sin, every offense towards God and other men; wiped clean and erased by Jesus’ blood. God goes so far as to say in Isaiah 43:25, “and remember your sin no more.” Every sin that you have repented of, God has forgiven you of and treats you as if you had never done it. Therefore, if any one should take this incredible gift and refuse to extend it to someone else, it is the height of arrogance. It carries the same spirit as one who would intentionally send someone into hell. He who refuses to forgive says to the one he is offended at, “I am more worthy of God’s love, mercy, and grace, than you.”

Now some may say that Matthew 10:8 is taken out of context when being used in the way it has been used here, since forgiveness is not one of the four things Jesus stated was to be given freely. The things He said were, “Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons.” However, look at the topic. These four statements revolve around setting people free. This was the focus of Jesus’ entire ministry. And as it happens, setting people free is exactly what forgiveness does. To be clear, other people are set free when God forgives them. When you forgive others, you set yourself free from the weight of carrying the offense. Therefore I submit that this verse is completely appropriate to be used as a supporting verse for forgiveness.

How do we forgive?

Perhaps the main reason why so many find forgiveness so difficult is because they do not understand how to go about it. Forgiveness is actually a very simple task. It requires the ability to make a choice contrary to how you feel, as well as a little bit of self discipline. Forgiveness does not require you to feel any certain way towards the one who offended you. You can immediately forgive someone regardless of whether you are still feeling hurt, angry, offended, etc. forgiveness has nothing at all to do with your feelings. It has everything to do with how you choose to respond in spite of how you feel.

For me personally, whenever I encounter a situation where my emotions will be involved, I like to have a response planned out in advance. This helps me to exercise control over myself and achieve a desired outcome. My plan for forgiveness is three steps:

1. I say, “I forgive this person for doing this thing.”

2. I say, “I will not take up offense.”

3. I pray a prayer of blessing for the person who offended me.

Something like this can go a long way towards continually walking in forgiveness towards others as God has commanded us to do.

Does refusal to forgive cost us our salvation?

If we take these scriptures alone, we could answer, yes. If God does not forgive our sins we cannot be saved. But we have not dealt with any scriptures that talk about salvation.

This is one example of why it is important to take the whole message of the gospel into account, not just part of it. If we conclude that we must exercise forgiveness in order to receive salvation, we will also conclude that our salvation is dependent on our works.

Take a look at these verses which tell us the opposite:

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

John 3:16

Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,

Romans 3:24

So then what did Jesus mean when He said our sins will not be forgiven if we do not forgive the sins of others? There is one other verse that we should look at in order to complete this picture.

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

Matthew 7:1-2

To understand what I am getting at here you must realize that these words of Christ are not a flat out condemnation of all judgement. They are instead a warning that God will deal with us in the same way we deal with others. If we are gentle, we will be shown gentleness. If we show mercy, we will be shown mercy. If we are harsh, we will be shown harshness. Likewise, if we forgive, we will be forgiven. And if we do not forgive, we will not be forgiven. In summary, the law of sowing and reaping: “Whatever a man sows, that He shall also reap.” Galatians 6:7

When Jesus talks about showing forgiveness in order to receive forgiveness, He is speaking of this law. This instruction is not so much an expectation of whether we will be given eternal life when we stand before God, but more so for how we carry out our lives here on the earth. We might experience God withholding forgiveness in forms such as:

• no longer hearing from the Holy Spirit

• no longer being able to discern God’s presence

• experiencing unending painful situations

There are many other ways. I have heard it said that those who refuse to forgive put themselves in a prison and do not allow the Holy Spirit to continue working in their life. I have also heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. These are aptly descriptive examples drawn from the experience of being in a place of unforgiveness.

We have been commanded by God to give forgiveness as freely as we have received it. When we walk in disobedience to this command, it opens the door for the enemy to have access into our lives. And further, when we disobey God, we by default submit to and obey the devil. So we can fairly and accurately conclude that when we refuse to forgive, we are working against the kingdom of God and advancing the kingdom of darkness. That is one place I do not wish to be! I would much rather humble myself and extend a loving hand of forgiveness to my brother or sister whenever they do something to offend me. That is, after all, exactly what Jesus does on a daily basis for me.

Let’s conclude with a parable Jesus told about forgiveness. As you read do two things: first put yourself in the place of each character and identify how you would respond to the situation. Second, seek the Holy Spirit for how He wants to deal with you regarding this topic.

Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.

The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, “Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.” Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, “Pay me what you owe!” So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.” And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.

So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.

Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?”

And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

Matthew 18:23-34